Who is she?

She don’t often think about the negativity. She likes to be happy,positive and she loves to be loved. She dances around her house as she listen to loud music on her days off. As music makes her happy. Make her feel like she’s in a fantasy world. Like a young girl watching her favorite princess cartoon. It doesn’t take much to put a smile on her face as long as you loyal she will be loyal also. Her favorite color is purple and her favorite food is seafood as well as her own cooking. She like to go out and party with family and friends. The guy shes involved with dont appreciate her or acknowledge her loyalty , her love, her patience, her time, her need of a companion and / stability. She wanted to evolve and grow within their love. He had a stop sign up. She’s growing, learning and understanding sometimes it’s just isn’t your time.

Have fun while you can.

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Voice of the girl with a broken heart.

I hear my pain when you hurt me emotionally! I am so human.

When we meet our significant other we never look deep into our future for the better or worse with out the vows! We live in this fantasy world

I love you. I love you so much. Omg I think about you day in and day out. I get butterflies when I see your text message, your phone call or when I even see you. Your presence brings me joy.

Omg when you tell me you love me and how much you care about me I get so excited and happy. I just know there’s nobody else for me but you. All I want is you.

In time things have changed. Or maybe it always been this way. But I over shadow it with the good times. There’s a pain in my heart because I know it always been like this. I just didn’t care before because I don’t think I was deeply in love. This love I have I don’t wanna have. I don’t want to feel a hurting pain when things go bad or we go through a brake up.

Its my Birthday!!

So it’s October 17th 2018, it’s is my BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!! I am currently on the q44 bus omw to the Bronx to drop nyliq off and then head to work.

Today I turned 31 years old. I’m so bless and happy to have seen another year. My son is now 8 and is doing great. I’m currently dating someone that I love and adore so much and I can’t see myself dating anyone else. ( Today is also his birthday).

My goals for next year is to learn to drive, get a better paying job. Take my dating life more serious. Travel with my son and the love of my life. School is also a goal. I would love to go back in two years when my son start middle school. I want to take my writing and blogging to a whole new level and be very much consistent.

10/17/2018

6:37am

Day three of me not speaking to the man that I love so much. I i know I lost him forever. We been down this road before to the point. Where I’m no longer fighting for us to try. I want something different. I wanna go out have fun. We been doing the same thing for years. 😔

Day to day

Every single morning I wake up At 4:45am. I get up out of bed. I go straight to the bathroom take my shower. I then go in the kitchen put on breakfast for my son. In the process of it cooking I go wake my son up. He showers get dress and we take our breakfast to go

Our commute

We leave out our house that’s located in queens somewhere (Lol) by 5:50am Catch our 5:55am bus. The ride is a 1hr and 10 mins to my mom house (in the Bronx) who drops him off at school for me.

I then head to work.

I work in a private preschool in the city. Where I work in a classroom with kids from the ages 1-3. ( I love my job). I work from 8-4.

After work I head back to the Bronx to pick up my son from my mom house.

We head straight home. We take that long ride all the way back home.

When we get back home. Im just a multitask queen. I’m in the kitchen cooking, helping with homework, running bath water and Taking clothes out for the next morning.

At around 10pm after we have showered and ate out dinner, homework is done well be in bed Getting ready to do it all over again the next day.

Sunday reading

I usually like my tea with no sugar these days. Today I felt like a sugar and milk in my tea kind of day. Peppermint tea to be exact.

Seems like I can only write when I’m upset. Or just in my feelings.

When I’m feeling down. It’s like a cold gloomy day or fall. When tres has no leaves 🍁. Around Halloween. My heart feeling as if a ghost jumped out in front of me and gave me a scare.

Lol

Happy reading.

Happy Sunday 🤗

Long story short!

I remember me training myself for heart break and not getting my feelings caught up. I guess that’s what’s called having a wall up!

And this is part of the reason why!

  • My heart was broken really bad before. I mean I felt nothing like it. I couldn’t get out the bed. It was so bad I quit my job. There was a point of time I cried. (Of course I did) but I cried loud. I wanted to hear my self cry. I wanted to hear my pain through my own ears!! I had to understand my own sound. My cry over a man that showed he didn’t want me! but I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to love me like I loved him. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep.
  • I fell into depression and nobody knew my pain. I was just a mess in my brain!!

I couldn’t and still can’t believe I let a man break me down so bad that it stop me from working. I just couldn’t be around anyone.

That relationship was so toxic. He cheated on me like I was nothing he didn’t care and he had no respect for our relationship. After awhile ( a long while) I begin to realize that I wasnt happy. And the feeling of wanting to make it work went away.

  • One night while he was out cheating or whatever I cried. I felt stuck in a situation I wanted out of. Many may say I was weak or I was stupid. But the truth is I was in love and I’m human and ppl are totally different and we all deal with things differently. No matter the age, gender, or size. How pretty how ugly we all human and we have things we all are weak for. And at that point of time for me it was love.

I don’t judge ppl when they are weak in Love I give advice. I totally understand I once was there.

I’m happy I over came that pain. I’ve been single ever since. Not because I’m scared of being hurt. ( eventho I am a Lil) I’m just being careful.